Disclaimer: If you are easily upset by a retelling of my marriage/divorce story, please do not read. And if you have nothing constructive or logical to say, please do not comment. Otherwise, carry on.
I've been wanting to write something along these lines for a while now, but I'm finding it difficult to do in a mature, non-juvenile way that won't get me a ton of hate (or love-in-the-form-of-confrontation) mail from people who disagree with me.
The past year of my life has been one of turning points and learning experiences. It was about a year and a half ago that I became seriously unhappy in my marriage. I read book after book after book, Christian and non-Christian, trying to figure out what was wrong with my marriage and what I could do to fix it. I stayed up late every night, reading, crying, wondering what the problem was, wishing I could be happy again. I can't remember any other time in my life when I have shed so many tears. Eventually, I gave up and fell into a deep depression instead. Nothing made me happy anymore. The things that used to make me happy just made me feel more depressed as I remembered what it was like to be happy.
The depression deepened at about the same rate that my marriage fell apart. I did my best to talk things out, but the words for emotion that raw are hard to come by.
Eventually, a little more than a year ago now, I made a drastic and completely uncharacteristic decision. I chose to tell my husband I was leaving him.
The events that followed this tearful revelation were numerous, emotional and blend themselves into a haze in my mind. They are also unnecessary for this narrative. I don't want to assign blame, condemn others or air dirty laundry. Suffice it to say, that night was only the beginning of a long, stressful span of many months. I began to be much more honest with myself and with my husband. I said things I had never before even imagined I would have to say. I wept uncontrollably over everything, simply because the emotional stress was overwhelming.
I opened myself up as much as I knew how at the time. And almost every time I did, the things I said in truth and honesty were either condemned as lies, or they were thrown back in my face as a weapon. Either way, it didn't really make me feel like telling the truth. The deceit that I had grown accustomed to in my life seemed much easier.
But I had crossed the line. I couldn't remain fake. I had finally discovered a glimpse of who I really was, and I preferred that person over the person I had attempted to be all those years prior.
All the months of trying, all the emotional wear-and-tear, all the drama, all the tears, all the immaturity, all the long, lonely nights finally, gradually, came to an end when I moved out on my own. I was finally able to assert my freedom, my independence, my individuality. And I did.
In the past seven or eight months, I have grown and matured as a person on multiple levels, in ways I would have never dreamed possible. I have had to face the world as an adult, and every day, at the end of the day, I know that I'm a little better off than I was yesterday.
I learned a lot from the experience. I learned that regret is not an option. I don't believe in regret. Everything that has happened in my life has made me the person I am today, and I am grateful for that.
I am deeply sorry for the pain that my dishonesty and immaturity caused to others in my life, but I hope that they have learned and grown as much as I have, despite the pain.
My divorce was officially finalized earlier this month, and I can now officially close that chapter of my life as I move forward.
Growth doesn't just happen with age. Growth happens when we experience things that drive us far away from our comfort zones, when we learn how to deal maturely with circumstances that have never come up before.
Maturity, I think, is a conscious decision. Immaturity is natural. Maturity takes effort and initiative. I catch myself sometimes and say "Is this the mature response?" More often than not, my gut reaction to a situation is immature... but if I can catch myself in time, I can think of the more mature, more logical, more appropriate response and do that instead.
Really, it's about using your brain. It's not just there to fill space. Life isn't rocket science. So much of it is just common sense. But even if it's common... it still has to make sense, people.
My world has been drastically altered by the events of the past few years. In many ways, I'm the same person I've always been, just a lot more honest. But in a lot of ways, I hardly even recognize myself when I think back to who I used to be, or at least how I used to live. The person I was would have never even dreamed that the person I am now could have existed.
And you know what? I like the real me a lot better than the fake me.
And I can't wait to see who I'm going to become this year.
How do you measure your growth as a person? Are you growing? Are you striving to become the best possible version of you? Or are you stagnant and comfortable?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The games we play with our words
Have you ever stopped to think about the mind games people play, and why they play them?
I did. And these are some of my thoughts on the subject.
I think playing mind games is a form of OCD... a compulsive need to control other people. Playing mind games is a manipulation tactic. If Person X chooses to play mind games with someone, it's because she wants to manipulate their responses and their reactions to her. She wants the ball to stay in her court all the time. She wants to make the rules. She wants to ensure that the situation goes according to her plans.
Sometimes this manipulation is conscious, but I think a lot of times it's just a subconscious habit, a way of doing things that we've had ingrained in us from a very young age. We see it everywhere we look. Parents do it to their children, couples do it to each other, the media (in all its various forms) does it to society... we are all guilty of it at some point in our lives... doing or saying something with the express goal of eliciting a certain response.
What I am aiming for in my life right now is the opposite of this manipulation. It's honesty.
See, honesty puts the ball in your court. It lets you as an individual decide how to react to what I lay out as truth or fact. It does so without emotional hang-ups and without any particular desired response. And it is, honestly, a remarkably difficult thing to accomplish.
See, at least for me, whenever I interact with someone, I have an automatic 'desired response.' There is a certain way I want people to react to what I say or do. And it's tough to push that desired response aside and get into the mindset that it doesn't matter what reaction I get, as long as the truth is being told. But sometimes it's hard to be truthful in a society that doesn't really respect the truth.
And truth... one of the words that I will soon have tattooed permanently into my skin... truth, in it's truest form, isn't easy to come by. It tends to be tainted. We're not used to telling it, and so we're not used to hearing it. It's so easy to embellish or sugar-coat the truth... but is it really the truth after all that?
How long are we as a society going to be okay with living in lies?
I tell the people close to me in my life that the best way to hurt me or insult me is to lie to me. If you have something negative to say, it's like ripping off the proverbial band-aid. Say it honestly, brutally honestly, if you must, and let me deal with the pain and get over it. If you just keep covering up everything with band-aids, there are going to be a lot more to pull off eventually, and the pain is going to be prolonged unnecessarily.
Yeah, the truth can hurt. A lot. But if you ask anyone who's been chronically lied to, they'll probably tell you... lies hurt a lot more.
Maybe Mom was right. Maybe honesty really IS the best policy.
I did. And these are some of my thoughts on the subject.
I think playing mind games is a form of OCD... a compulsive need to control other people. Playing mind games is a manipulation tactic. If Person X chooses to play mind games with someone, it's because she wants to manipulate their responses and their reactions to her. She wants the ball to stay in her court all the time. She wants to make the rules. She wants to ensure that the situation goes according to her plans.
Sometimes this manipulation is conscious, but I think a lot of times it's just a subconscious habit, a way of doing things that we've had ingrained in us from a very young age. We see it everywhere we look. Parents do it to their children, couples do it to each other, the media (in all its various forms) does it to society... we are all guilty of it at some point in our lives... doing or saying something with the express goal of eliciting a certain response.
What I am aiming for in my life right now is the opposite of this manipulation. It's honesty.
See, honesty puts the ball in your court. It lets you as an individual decide how to react to what I lay out as truth or fact. It does so without emotional hang-ups and without any particular desired response. And it is, honestly, a remarkably difficult thing to accomplish.
See, at least for me, whenever I interact with someone, I have an automatic 'desired response.' There is a certain way I want people to react to what I say or do. And it's tough to push that desired response aside and get into the mindset that it doesn't matter what reaction I get, as long as the truth is being told. But sometimes it's hard to be truthful in a society that doesn't really respect the truth.
And truth... one of the words that I will soon have tattooed permanently into my skin... truth, in it's truest form, isn't easy to come by. It tends to be tainted. We're not used to telling it, and so we're not used to hearing it. It's so easy to embellish or sugar-coat the truth... but is it really the truth after all that?
How long are we as a society going to be okay with living in lies?
I tell the people close to me in my life that the best way to hurt me or insult me is to lie to me. If you have something negative to say, it's like ripping off the proverbial band-aid. Say it honestly, brutally honestly, if you must, and let me deal with the pain and get over it. If you just keep covering up everything with band-aids, there are going to be a lot more to pull off eventually, and the pain is going to be prolonged unnecessarily.
Yeah, the truth can hurt. A lot. But if you ask anyone who's been chronically lied to, they'll probably tell you... lies hurt a lot more.
Maybe Mom was right. Maybe honesty really IS the best policy.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Insecurity and defense mechanisms
A conversation I had today got me thinking about the many manifestations of insecurity I see in the people around me, and the defense mechanisms they use to hide the way they feel.
The critic
For instance... some people manifest their insecurity by being overly critical of others. Some people feel the need to put others down or to be overly demanding of others in order to make themselves look better. It's as if they're saying, "If I make this person look or feel like an idiot, then I will look and feel better by comparison." People who feel small want to make other people feel just as small. People who have a healthy self-confidence want to make others feel confident, too.
The flaunter
Some people manifest their insecurity by overcompensation. Some people feel the need to have the latest fad gadget, the most expensive car, the biggest house, the best big-screen TV, the designer clothes and the diamond jewelry... and they are often the people with the greatest insecurities. It's as if they're saying, "I don't think very highly of myself, so I want to have the best of everything so that other people will think highly of me." A lack of self-confidence creates a void in your emotional being. By attempting to define yourself by the things you have, you show me you aren't comfortable with yourself as a person and need something else to fill the void.
The obsessive
Some people manifest their insecurity by obsession. I have seen this in numerous ways. Some men, when they feel emasculated by the women in their lives, develop an obsession with things that make them feel "manly." Sports, violent video games, fast cars, guns. Some women, when they feel insecure, develop an obsession with things that make them feel worthy. Fitness, fashion and beauty endeavors are common ways women attempt to validate themselves. The obsession can often become a way for these people to prove to themselves that they are good enough. It's as if they're saying, "I don't feel good about myself, but if I pour myself into this one thing, I will feel better."
The slut
The slut syndrome is another way insecure people attempt to validate themselves. For some people, having sex with various partners makes them feel better about themselves. It's as if they're saying, "If all these people wanted to sleep with me, then I must be worth something, I must be sexy, I must be special." It's a very common mechanism for people who have felt rejected in a relationship.
The sarcastic
Some people manifest their insecurity by using sarcasm as a relationship barrier. This is the category I generally fall into. Some people (including me) use sarcasm as a way to keep people at a distance, to keep people from getting too close. It's a mechanism that (supposedly) keeps insecure people from getting hurt. It's as if they're saying, "If I don't let you get near me, you won't see my flaws and you won't reject me."
The attention whore
Some people manifest their insecurity by demanding attention from everyone around them. Some people aren't happy unless they are in the spotlight and everyone in the room is focused on them. The attention whore often takes drastic measures to be the center of attention. They tend to be very likeable people, but they may brag a lot about themselves and their accomplishments. It's as if they're saying, "If I can get all these people to pay attention to me and think I'm worth something, I will feel reassured of my worth."
The critic
For instance... some people manifest their insecurity by being overly critical of others. Some people feel the need to put others down or to be overly demanding of others in order to make themselves look better. It's as if they're saying, "If I make this person look or feel like an idiot, then I will look and feel better by comparison." People who feel small want to make other people feel just as small. People who have a healthy self-confidence want to make others feel confident, too.
The flaunter
Some people manifest their insecurity by overcompensation. Some people feel the need to have the latest fad gadget, the most expensive car, the biggest house, the best big-screen TV, the designer clothes and the diamond jewelry... and they are often the people with the greatest insecurities. It's as if they're saying, "I don't think very highly of myself, so I want to have the best of everything so that other people will think highly of me." A lack of self-confidence creates a void in your emotional being. By attempting to define yourself by the things you have, you show me you aren't comfortable with yourself as a person and need something else to fill the void.
The obsessive
Some people manifest their insecurity by obsession. I have seen this in numerous ways. Some men, when they feel emasculated by the women in their lives, develop an obsession with things that make them feel "manly." Sports, violent video games, fast cars, guns. Some women, when they feel insecure, develop an obsession with things that make them feel worthy. Fitness, fashion and beauty endeavors are common ways women attempt to validate themselves. The obsession can often become a way for these people to prove to themselves that they are good enough. It's as if they're saying, "I don't feel good about myself, but if I pour myself into this one thing, I will feel better."
The slut
The slut syndrome is another way insecure people attempt to validate themselves. For some people, having sex with various partners makes them feel better about themselves. It's as if they're saying, "If all these people wanted to sleep with me, then I must be worth something, I must be sexy, I must be special." It's a very common mechanism for people who have felt rejected in a relationship.
The sarcastic
Some people manifest their insecurity by using sarcasm as a relationship barrier. This is the category I generally fall into. Some people (including me) use sarcasm as a way to keep people at a distance, to keep people from getting too close. It's a mechanism that (supposedly) keeps insecure people from getting hurt. It's as if they're saying, "If I don't let you get near me, you won't see my flaws and you won't reject me."
The attention whore
Some people manifest their insecurity by demanding attention from everyone around them. Some people aren't happy unless they are in the spotlight and everyone in the room is focused on them. The attention whore often takes drastic measures to be the center of attention. They tend to be very likeable people, but they may brag a lot about themselves and their accomplishments. It's as if they're saying, "If I can get all these people to pay attention to me and think I'm worth something, I will feel reassured of my worth."
***
All of these manifestations of insecurity are perfectly normal, but all of them are harmful to you and often to those around you. And so, some brief words to each of you.
To the critic...
Learn to focus on positives, in yourself and in others. Look for the good in other people, and check yourself when you start criticizing. Recognize your tendency to be critical, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the flaunter...
Learn to focus on who you are rather than what you have. Nice things are nice, but don't let things define you. You are more than things. You are a person, and your heart, your soul, your mind, your goals, your dreams, your relationships and your life are all a million times more important than the things you have. You want people to love you for you, not for your stuff. Recognize your tendency to fill your void with nice things, and think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the obsessive...
Learn to focus on the big picture rather than the individual things that you think will get you what you want. An obsession with one thing in life will not make you feel like a complete person. A complete, whole life is made up of a balance of many components. Recognize your tendency to obsess, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the slut...
Learn to focus on building deep relationships rather than momentarily validating ones. You will feel more secure in yourself by realizing that a few people love you for who you really are, rather than many people loving you for a passing, meaningless moment. Recognize your tendency to seek validation from sexual partners, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the sarcastic...
Learn to focus on letting people see the real you rather than a pre-determined mask or barrier. Open yourself up. You may not get hurt if you don't let people get close to you, but you also won't be able to love and be loved. Take a chance. Recognize your tendency to use sarcasm to push people away, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the attention whore...
Learn to focus on other people rather than on yourself. You may be surprised to find how much self-confidence can be gained by paying attention to others and not worrying about what they think of you. Recognize your tendency to draw attention to yourself, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
What are you insecure about? How do you manifest your insecurities? What can you do to deal with your insecurities in a healthy way?
To the critic...
Learn to focus on positives, in yourself and in others. Look for the good in other people, and check yourself when you start criticizing. Recognize your tendency to be critical, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the flaunter...
Learn to focus on who you are rather than what you have. Nice things are nice, but don't let things define you. You are more than things. You are a person, and your heart, your soul, your mind, your goals, your dreams, your relationships and your life are all a million times more important than the things you have. You want people to love you for you, not for your stuff. Recognize your tendency to fill your void with nice things, and think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the obsessive...
Learn to focus on the big picture rather than the individual things that you think will get you what you want. An obsession with one thing in life will not make you feel like a complete person. A complete, whole life is made up of a balance of many components. Recognize your tendency to obsess, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the slut...
Learn to focus on building deep relationships rather than momentarily validating ones. You will feel more secure in yourself by realizing that a few people love you for who you really are, rather than many people loving you for a passing, meaningless moment. Recognize your tendency to seek validation from sexual partners, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the sarcastic...
Learn to focus on letting people see the real you rather than a pre-determined mask or barrier. Open yourself up. You may not get hurt if you don't let people get close to you, but you also won't be able to love and be loved. Take a chance. Recognize your tendency to use sarcasm to push people away, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
To the attention whore...
Learn to focus on other people rather than on yourself. You may be surprised to find how much self-confidence can be gained by paying attention to others and not worrying about what they think of you. Recognize your tendency to draw attention to yourself, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why.
***
What are you insecure about? How do you manifest your insecurities? What can you do to deal with your insecurities in a healthy way?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I would have loved you anyway
http://www.cmt.com/videos/trisha-yearwood/71210/i-wouldve-loved-you-anyway.jhtml
If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on a vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
Even if I'd seen it comin'
You'd still have seen me runnin'
Straight into your arms
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway
If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on a vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
Even if I'd seen it comin'
You'd still have seen me runnin'
Straight into your arms
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sometimes men just don't get it
My dear co-worker and friend drove me to the bar after work tonight, and we hung out for an hour or so, mostly just relaxing after a long day.
It was one of those nights. You know the kind I mean. The kind of night when, even though you've just gotten off work and you haven't retouched your makeup all day, you still look amazing in those wonderfully dimly lit dive bars. Yeah, it was one of those nights.
So I'm having a coke and a conversation with my beautiful friend, and this cute guy keeps watching me from across the room. He's good-looking, so I shoot him a glance and a smile or two, and he takes that as a sign to come up behind me when I turn my back and tap my shoulder.
I shake hands, as any polite bar fly might, and introduce myself. He does the same, and then proceeds to stare blankly at me for a moment, as if processing his next sentence took an excruciating amount of brainpower.
His next statement, however, didn't reflect any exerted brainpower at all.
"So who were you rooting for in the Super Bowl today?"
Uh, sidebar. If you're a guy at a bar, try not to assume that all the pretty girls you see want to discuss football as an icebreaker.
Now, I enjoy sports other than football, so I explained to this guy that I'm not much of an NFL girl, but I'm crazy about the NBA, and to try to keep the conversation flowing, I mentioned that where I come from, basketball trumps pretty much every other sport.
So he paused for another minute, swayed drunkenly a bit, and asked where I was from. A decent question. So I answer. "San Antonio, Texas."
Another pause. God, this is getting really irritating. I could have three other conversations in the time it takes him to process this one.
He then stares at me again, and says, "Wow, I've never met anyone from Texas who didn't like football." More swaying. How many beers has this guy had today? Obviously his halftime party was quite a bash.
I explain that I'm not your average Texan, and turn away to chat with my lovely friend, who sees my distress and becomes my personal savior by asking some incredibly enthralling question that demands an immediate (and private) conversation.
He wanders away, but a few minutes later, he comes back. Wow, buddy. You didn't get the message? Denser than I thought. Let's try this again.
"I think our conversation got cut off somehow," he says.
"Yeah, probably. That happens sometimes in a crowded bar." I'm just annoyed by now. I sip on my coke, and my savior rescues me once more by pointing out something hilarious on the TV behind the bar. I love her.
Finally, this guy pays his tab and starts to walk out. He comes up behind me and taps my shoulder again. He leans in and says, "I'm leaving now..." and gives me this look like he's anticipating something. I shake his hand again, and say, "Okay, hon, have a good night." I turn back to my friends. He taps my shoulder AGAIN. And stares. No words. He just stares.
Huh? What do you expect me to say?
"Oh yeah, we just had this wonderful conversation, a total of about seven words, and now I'm just dying to give your drunk ass my phone number."
Do I look desperate?
God, I hope not.
So, here's a quick rundown of signs to look for that indicate I'm not interested in continuing a conversation with you:
1. I say a quick hello and turn immediately back to my companions.
2. I answer your questions succinctly and turn immediately back to my companions.
3. I shake your hand, say "Have a good night," and turn immediately back to my companions.
4. I completely ignore you as I'm chatting with my companions.
My friend and I left the bar laughing our asses off.
I love the bar. Such intriguing things go on within those four walls.
I might be pretty. I like to think I am. But I don't need your creepy stares and slurring comments to validate the way I see myself. In fact, I don't need your sober stares or normal comments to validate the way I see myself. I like attention, but don't think just paying attention to me is going to make me want you, need you, have to have you. I need a little more than a guy who plays the role of the magic mirror telling me I'm the fairest in the land. Mostly because it's not true, but also because I don't care. It's my soul, my heart, my brain that makes me who I am. My body is just the package I come in.
I've had men obsess over me before. Where are the good men that are worthy of my obsession?
It was one of those nights. You know the kind I mean. The kind of night when, even though you've just gotten off work and you haven't retouched your makeup all day, you still look amazing in those wonderfully dimly lit dive bars. Yeah, it was one of those nights.
So I'm having a coke and a conversation with my beautiful friend, and this cute guy keeps watching me from across the room. He's good-looking, so I shoot him a glance and a smile or two, and he takes that as a sign to come up behind me when I turn my back and tap my shoulder.
I shake hands, as any polite bar fly might, and introduce myself. He does the same, and then proceeds to stare blankly at me for a moment, as if processing his next sentence took an excruciating amount of brainpower.
His next statement, however, didn't reflect any exerted brainpower at all.
"So who were you rooting for in the Super Bowl today?"
Uh, sidebar. If you're a guy at a bar, try not to assume that all the pretty girls you see want to discuss football as an icebreaker.
Now, I enjoy sports other than football, so I explained to this guy that I'm not much of an NFL girl, but I'm crazy about the NBA, and to try to keep the conversation flowing, I mentioned that where I come from, basketball trumps pretty much every other sport.
So he paused for another minute, swayed drunkenly a bit, and asked where I was from. A decent question. So I answer. "San Antonio, Texas."
Another pause. God, this is getting really irritating. I could have three other conversations in the time it takes him to process this one.
He then stares at me again, and says, "Wow, I've never met anyone from Texas who didn't like football." More swaying. How many beers has this guy had today? Obviously his halftime party was quite a bash.
I explain that I'm not your average Texan, and turn away to chat with my lovely friend, who sees my distress and becomes my personal savior by asking some incredibly enthralling question that demands an immediate (and private) conversation.
He wanders away, but a few minutes later, he comes back. Wow, buddy. You didn't get the message? Denser than I thought. Let's try this again.
"I think our conversation got cut off somehow," he says.
"Yeah, probably. That happens sometimes in a crowded bar." I'm just annoyed by now. I sip on my coke, and my savior rescues me once more by pointing out something hilarious on the TV behind the bar. I love her.
Finally, this guy pays his tab and starts to walk out. He comes up behind me and taps my shoulder again. He leans in and says, "I'm leaving now..." and gives me this look like he's anticipating something. I shake his hand again, and say, "Okay, hon, have a good night." I turn back to my friends. He taps my shoulder AGAIN. And stares. No words. He just stares.
Huh? What do you expect me to say?
"Oh yeah, we just had this wonderful conversation, a total of about seven words, and now I'm just dying to give your drunk ass my phone number."
Do I look desperate?
God, I hope not.
So, here's a quick rundown of signs to look for that indicate I'm not interested in continuing a conversation with you:
1. I say a quick hello and turn immediately back to my companions.
2. I answer your questions succinctly and turn immediately back to my companions.
3. I shake your hand, say "Have a good night," and turn immediately back to my companions.
4. I completely ignore you as I'm chatting with my companions.
My friend and I left the bar laughing our asses off.
I love the bar. Such intriguing things go on within those four walls.
I might be pretty. I like to think I am. But I don't need your creepy stares and slurring comments to validate the way I see myself. In fact, I don't need your sober stares or normal comments to validate the way I see myself. I like attention, but don't think just paying attention to me is going to make me want you, need you, have to have you. I need a little more than a guy who plays the role of the magic mirror telling me I'm the fairest in the land. Mostly because it's not true, but also because I don't care. It's my soul, my heart, my brain that makes me who I am. My body is just the package I come in.
I've had men obsess over me before. Where are the good men that are worthy of my obsession?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Your tits are not a valid conversational topic, hon. Try again.
So, I realized (again) tonight why I don't hang out with groups of females very often.
They irritate the hell out of me.
Can someone please explain to me why the extent of a female's conversational ability is confined to about three asinine things when she is in the company of other females?
1. Men. Women love to talk about men. The men they like, the men they hate, the men they fucked, the men who fucked them over... and most of the conversation on this topic is degrading, gossipy, bitter and/or completely unwarranted. I can't stand listening to women bitch about the way men treat them. Listen, sister. If you weren't such a bitch to the guy, maybe he'd be a little nicer. And if you weren't so emotionally wrecked and needy, maybe he'd enjoy your company a little more. And if you weren't such a slut, maybe he'd respect you a little more. Don't get me wrong... men can be pretty stupid sometimes. But women like you certainly don't help the situation.
2. Women. Women love to talk about other women. Yep, gossip. Yes, dear... the whole room needs to know who slept with who behind who's back. And we all care who danced on the bar topless that one night in Cabo. And we're just dying to hear what that bitch said about us while we were in the bathroom. Good Lord, is there no end? Is your life so pointless and meaningless that you feel the need to find fulfillment in the gory details of other people's lives?
3. Tits. Yeah, you thought this one would be on the Things Men Talk About Too Often list. Well, it is. But it's on this one, too. Why on earth do women enjoy discussing their boobs so much? Cup size, cleavage, breast-feeding babies, nipple rings, bra shopping, drunk-flashing people... who gives a flying fuck? Maybe instead of that breast implant, you should have gotten a brain implant. It would have been put to better use, anyway. Listen, sweetie. I've got my own tits. I don't need to hear all about yours. Please. Put 'em away and let's chat about something that matters.
For the sake of all that is decent in the world, please think of something else to talk about. There are orphans in Africa, and they don't care one bit about your boob job.
Put People and Cosmo back on the rack, and pick up Time instead. Or The New Yorker. Or the New York Times. Or whatever small-town, two bit newspaper you can find. But for Pete's sake, woman, read something that matters!
I like to think I'm a decent conversationalist. I may not know a whole lot about a whole lot, but I know a little bit about a lot, and that helps me converse semi-intelligently on a wide variety of subjects. Here's an abbreviated list of some of the topics I can discuss, if not intelligently, then at least interestingly.
1. Cars, especially classic ones. The prettier it is, the longer I'll be able to talk about it.
2. Star Trek. No, I don't go to conventions. Yes, I can discuss the philosophical ramifications of various episodes.
3. Movies. And I don't mean American Pie or Legally Blonde: The Stupidest Sequel in the World.
4. Current events. And I don't mean the latest American Idol show.
5. Music. And way more than just the current Top 40 hits, too. My taste dates back to the early '40s and spans almost every genre imaginable.
6. Technology. Believe it or not, I can hold a conversation that involves terms like terabyte and defrag.
7. Literature. Think Jane Austen, Edgar Allan Poe. Not paperback romance novels and soap-opera-esque chick lit.
8. Work. Yes, I can tell fun stories about what happens at work, and the interesting things I do for a living. I don't always find it necessary to bitch about my bosses and my coworkers. Sometimes, yes. But mostly in the context of a story that will make you laugh.
Ladies, please don't get mad at a guy for staring at your tits when you talk if you can't find anything intelligent to say. Learn how to have a decent conversation, and maybe, just maybe he'll care more about your brain than your boobs. And if not, well, move on. You deserve someone who sees the real you. Just do yourself a favor and make sure the real you is a little more than just great tits. You'll be doing your guy (and everyone else who ever has to speak to you) a favor, too.
They irritate the hell out of me.
Can someone please explain to me why the extent of a female's conversational ability is confined to about three asinine things when she is in the company of other females?
1. Men. Women love to talk about men. The men they like, the men they hate, the men they fucked, the men who fucked them over... and most of the conversation on this topic is degrading, gossipy, bitter and/or completely unwarranted. I can't stand listening to women bitch about the way men treat them. Listen, sister. If you weren't such a bitch to the guy, maybe he'd be a little nicer. And if you weren't so emotionally wrecked and needy, maybe he'd enjoy your company a little more. And if you weren't such a slut, maybe he'd respect you a little more. Don't get me wrong... men can be pretty stupid sometimes. But women like you certainly don't help the situation.
2. Women. Women love to talk about other women. Yep, gossip. Yes, dear... the whole room needs to know who slept with who behind who's back. And we all care who danced on the bar topless that one night in Cabo. And we're just dying to hear what that bitch said about us while we were in the bathroom. Good Lord, is there no end? Is your life so pointless and meaningless that you feel the need to find fulfillment in the gory details of other people's lives?
3. Tits. Yeah, you thought this one would be on the Things Men Talk About Too Often list. Well, it is. But it's on this one, too. Why on earth do women enjoy discussing their boobs so much? Cup size, cleavage, breast-feeding babies, nipple rings, bra shopping, drunk-flashing people... who gives a flying fuck? Maybe instead of that breast implant, you should have gotten a brain implant. It would have been put to better use, anyway. Listen, sweetie. I've got my own tits. I don't need to hear all about yours. Please. Put 'em away and let's chat about something that matters.
For the sake of all that is decent in the world, please think of something else to talk about. There are orphans in Africa, and they don't care one bit about your boob job.
Put People and Cosmo back on the rack, and pick up Time instead. Or The New Yorker. Or the New York Times. Or whatever small-town, two bit newspaper you can find. But for Pete's sake, woman, read something that matters!
I like to think I'm a decent conversationalist. I may not know a whole lot about a whole lot, but I know a little bit about a lot, and that helps me converse semi-intelligently on a wide variety of subjects. Here's an abbreviated list of some of the topics I can discuss, if not intelligently, then at least interestingly.
1. Cars, especially classic ones. The prettier it is, the longer I'll be able to talk about it.
2. Star Trek. No, I don't go to conventions. Yes, I can discuss the philosophical ramifications of various episodes.
3. Movies. And I don't mean American Pie or Legally Blonde: The Stupidest Sequel in the World.
4. Current events. And I don't mean the latest American Idol show.
5. Music. And way more than just the current Top 40 hits, too. My taste dates back to the early '40s and spans almost every genre imaginable.
6. Technology. Believe it or not, I can hold a conversation that involves terms like terabyte and defrag.
7. Literature. Think Jane Austen, Edgar Allan Poe. Not paperback romance novels and soap-opera-esque chick lit.
8. Work. Yes, I can tell fun stories about what happens at work, and the interesting things I do for a living. I don't always find it necessary to bitch about my bosses and my coworkers. Sometimes, yes. But mostly in the context of a story that will make you laugh.
Ladies, please don't get mad at a guy for staring at your tits when you talk if you can't find anything intelligent to say. Learn how to have a decent conversation, and maybe, just maybe he'll care more about your brain than your boobs. And if not, well, move on. You deserve someone who sees the real you. Just do yourself a favor and make sure the real you is a little more than just great tits. You'll be doing your guy (and everyone else who ever has to speak to you) a favor, too.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
When you wish upon a star...
I saw two different shooting stars tonight, and made two different wishes. I wonder which one will come true first.
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