Wednesday, December 31, 2008

When you wish upon a star...

I saw two different shooting stars tonight, and made two different wishes. I wonder which one will come true first.

Monday, December 29, 2008

To write again...

I've finally worked out the basic plotline for my novel... one that I think I like. I bought a new journal so I can begin my book on fresh, virgin pages. And I bought Pecan Sandies and milk, because they are the nectar and ambrosia to my Muse goddesses.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Life's too short

I can't even count the number of times I've heard people tell me, "Life's too short not to have fun." And while I agree to an extent, I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person with the philosophy, "Life's too short to have meaningless, pointless fun."

Is there anyone anymore who understands the benefits of delayed gratification? Is there anyone who believes that a meaningful life of purpose, character and wisdom is a thousand times better than a life of hedonism, one-night stands and me-first-ism?

Is there anyone anymore who realizes that there are only a finite number of grains of sand in the hourglass of life, and once they drop, they can't be taken back? Is there anyone who cares?

Oh, believe me, I enjoy fun just as much as the next girl. But only the kind of fun that means something... that will still mean something ten, twenty, fifty years from now.

Guess I'm just a little old-fashioned. And I guess I'm OK with that.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Shades of brown

Shades of brown:

The color of his eyes
The color of wet cardboard
And the color of the mud his cardboard shelter sits in.
The color of shit
The color of a torn up sleeping bag
And the color of the dirt on his hands and face.
The color of tobacco
The color of a weak cup of coffee
And the color of his wild, matted mess of hair.
The color of struggle
The color of bitter apathy
And the color of a lonely, wasted life.

The people passing by him try to live their lives
In yes or no, in right or wrong, in black or white
But he is trapped inside these shades of brown.


I wrote this almost exactly a year ago. My life now is in a completely different phase... but his? His is probably the same as it was then. Where can you go when there's no where left to turn?

It makes me appreciate my life that much more... the things I struggle with in my life are minuscule in comparison to the difficulties that others deal with on a regular basis. So I close my eyes and count my blessings... and say a prayer for that man as I fall asleep.

Blackest hours

Blackest hours:

At midnight, when the falling stars parade
My heart sings in its joy and mystery;
But when the moon itself begins to fade
I lose that sense of awe and revelry:
For sunlight glares and burns my eyes at dawn
And nothing is mysterious at noon;
In daylight hours, my inspiration's gone
Until again I write beneath the moon--
Imagination flourishes at night;
Dreams are better dreamed in darkness deep
Words don't flow as richly in the light,
So why waste blackest hours on empty sleep?
Immortal star-songs raise their voice for me,
And I write what I hear as poetry.

This is something that I wrote a couple years ago, but I stumbled across it tonight as I was browsing some of the old files on my computer, and I remembered how much this particular piece meant to me then, and still means to me now.

Now, if only I could get myself back to a place where I can write like this again. That's my goal. To create. To produce music in the form of words. To attempt to express in meager words what can only be felt with the heart and soul.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Reflections on rain

Beautiful sight #3,948 -- Street lights and neon signs glistening and reflecting in the pools of water on the side of the road in a late-night rain storm.

Even though it kinda sucks to be stuck riding a bicycle in the rain, a late-night rain storm is still one of the most beautiful things in the world. Everything feels fresh, clean, alive. This dehydrated part of the country soaks up the downpour and begs for more. And me? I sing and dance in the rain. I laugh at the clouds, so dark up above... the sun is in my heart, and I'm ready for love. And as always, there's a smile on my face, even when raindrops drip down my cheeks.

Rain has a healing ability, I think.

I got to catch up tonight with the man who basically taught me everything I know about my job. Random run-ins are one of my favorite things. And thank you, RB, for everything.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Today's color is moon-glow white

Oy vey... cold weather is so not my thing.

This is going to be a rough, automobile-less winter.

Honesty pretty much is the best policy... but it sure as hell isn't easy sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I could do things the easy way... but then I realize that the easy way only looks easy. It's actually a lot harder in the long run. A little foresight, a little perspective, a little rationality, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still don't know how long the tunnel is, but as long as I know there is an end to it, I'll keep pushing myself toward it.

The full moon, as clouds drift overhead, as stars dot the celestial landscape, as the air hangs around me, thick and misty... midnight is the most amazing time of day. I'm so happy to be nocturnal.

It's difficult to write creatively with the nagging thought in my mind, "How could someone use this against me to hurt me?" I've realized that I'm still bleeding a little from the knives they threw at my back.

Self-discovery should be a lot easier than it is, wouldn't you think?

My sister is my hero, my confidant, my best friend. I told her the other day that if she wasn't related to me and if she was a guy, I'd date her. Is that weird? :-p

Jekyll and Hyde, the musical, has some pretty amazing songs.

I read some of my old poetry last night. A few pieces were actually pretty good. Dark, though. Maybe I'm too happy to write poetry at this point in my life. I've never been good at cheerful poetry. God, please tell me I don't have to go into a depression to be able to write again...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Today's randomosities

I just created a playlist of over eight hours of upbeat, bar-worthy country music for my clueless DJ friend's country night at my favorite bar. That should keep him busy...

Saturday Night Live reminds me of my newsroom.

My new department chief starts on Tuesday. I wonder if he'll be any good...

Once he gets the hang of everything, maybe I'll be able to take some time off. I could use a bit of a break.

I want to do a photo shoot. I need some new pictures to send to my mom for Christmas.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Everything by Michael Buble

I'm addicted to this song.

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Memories and Thai food

So, I watching this old Disney Channel movie, Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century. I used to watch this movie every time it came on when I was a young teen. And now it's on, and it's bringing back old memories... I want to download all the songs now. It's so incredibly stupid, and feel-good-ish. Silly, but fun.

I wanted Indian food tonight, but I ordered take-out Thai instead, since there aren't any Indian restaurants around.

So it's a feel-good chick flick movie night with Thai food and coconut rum and coke. Does it get better than this? Quality alone time?

Crazy California weather

This is the perfect bike-riding weather. But its December. And its 65 degrees and sunny. Crazy.

Its my weekend. What surprises will it bring?

Shooting stars

I love shooting stars. Whenever I am lucky enough to see one, I stop whatever I'm doing (usually walking home from work) and make a wish... it's never quite the same wish... but I always make a wish. After all.... when you wish upon a star...

I love lasagna.

Reality shows piss me off. For the most part, if what they show on reality shows is real, I'm perfectly OK with living in my fantasy world. Give me my fairy dust and magic spells... you can keep your Charm School and Top Model.

I am addicted to my black satin sheets. They are heaven in the form of bedding.

I want to start writing poetry again. It's been a long time since I've been able to create music and art with words on a page.

Monday, December 1, 2008


My boss transferred all her migrains to me. Thanks a lot, Lila.

Quirky work stuff

Hershey's Nugget's with almonds keep me alive at work.

I have a cowbell and an ampersand on my desk.

I use pink and purple pens because no one steals them.

Monday is my Friday, and I'm excited. I love my job, but I love my weekends more.

The things that make me who I am

My sister is my best friend.

My phone is my lifeline, my watch, my notebook, my address book, my research tool, my road map, and my list-keeper.

My head is solidly affixed to my shoulders, but it still drifts in the clouds every day.

Giraffes, elephants, owls and snakes are my lucky charms.

If you're going to insult me, at least do it cleverly.

Balance is important. Moderation in all things.

I have a no-drama policy.

I love egg nog and I eat way too much fast food.

I work for a newspaper but I hate the media.

I want to run a fashion magazine, but I hate high-end designer fashion.

I'm from Texas, but no, I don't ride horses or wear spurs.

I love basketball (Go Spurs Go!)

I hate fake people. Why are you so afraid to be who you are?

I believe in music. All kinds of music. Don't limit yourself.

I love broadening my horizons.

I love Thai food. I can't stand sushi.

I have a creative eye and a decent amount of technical aptitude.

I am ambitious. Never quite content with where I am, always striving for more, but satisfied with where I've been and excited about where I'm going.

I'm an open book. Buy me a cup of coffee and I'll tell you anything you want to know about me.

I am versatile. I am comfortable in a variety of situations and places, but I never fit in or blend in.

I'm a shopping addict, but only at thrift and vintage stores.

Vanilla scented candles and perfume are the best.

I am easily amused. I entertain myself. I don't need you to entertain me. But if you want to try, I'm not going to stop you...

I confess, I don't understand women. We don't make any sense. I like to try to balance my logical and emotional sides. There's a time and a place for each, and it's my goal to master the timing and placing of logic and emotion.

I'm a redhead, and I'm proud of it.

I put ungodly amounts of sugar and cream in my coffee.

I wear high heels almost every day. And I ride a bicycle in 'em.

White chocolate macadamia nut cookies are God's gift to mankind.

I'm a libertarian. No, I didn't vote for the Republican or the Democrat. I wrote in my candidate. If you can't vote for someone you actually believe in, what's the point of voting? "Party loyalty" is so yesterday.

No, I'm never sarcastic. What are you talking about?

You're a towel.

42 is the perfect number.

I love Star Trek. I hate Star Wars.

I did all my Christmas shopping online.

I'm nocturnal.

I think, after 23 years, I'm finally comfortable with myself.

It's the little quirks that make us interesting. What's quirky about you?